EBooks by Becky (excerpts)

Here, I'm just going to be posting a few vignettes from the ebooks I am writing.  When I get them published I'll let you know so that you can read them completely! 

The Diary of a woman with TBI & HF by Becky Benedict

I am writing a diary about this journey which I have been traveling for about three years now.  I want to do this because I feel injuries like this have many faces - what the doctors see, what a spouse sees, what children see, what friends see, and what the patient sees and I'd like to tell about it from the patient point of view.  I've seen articles and studies on heart failure and others on traumatic brain injury, but not much on someone dealing with both at the same time, so this might be interesting with all that considered.

5/20/15     I've been dismissed from the hospital, straight out of ICU!  I don't realize much of what has and is happening to me… I don't even realize I'm home at first.  As I begin to realize it, I try to figure my situation out and the last I remember is that Tre and I had gone to my nephew’s graduation party in Euless, shopped at Ross’s a little while, checked out and went out to the car.  I remember that I realized I’d left my sunglasses in the changing room and left Tre, who is 14, in the car telling him I’d be right back, starting the car and getting the air conditioner going.  I told him to keep the car locked till I got back and then we’d go meet John for dinner because I felt too tired to think about cooking and Tre had the cast on his thumb he’d broken and he was tired too.  So, as I was beginning to realize what had happened to me, I worried if he is alright and was assured he is.  They said one of the store workers came out to the car and got him and he went with me to the hospital in the ambulance.  He called John, who had just gotten off work, and told him they were taking me to the hospital.  Bless his heart, he’s faced a lot in his young life. He found his own mother dead when he was only five.

Some of the family told me that my son and one of my daughters had struggled with the decision, but had gone on to Uganda on their long planned missionary journey the next day.  I’m glad they did.  My other daughter flew in from Alburquerque, NM as quickly as she could.

John and family are giving me lots of medication, some of it for pain and nausea, but my head still hurts awefully bad and any noise and light increases the pain.   I'm on new meds for my blood pressure and another med for seizure prevention, prescribed because of the traumatic head injury which caused a serious brain bleed. People are coming to see me and bringing meals to us, which is very kind and sweet.  Family talks about what has happened and that is how I learn about all this that I have no memory about. 

I’m very weak and I need lots of help to get up and go to the restroom. The idea of eating makes me feel nauseaus, so I don't want to eat and my family says, " please eat" over and over.  I think they would understand, if they could, and then maybe they would stop trying to get me to eat!

5/26/2015 Today I went to my PCP office and he took the staples out of my head.
I also went to the neurologist, whom was rude and unprofessional. John, Angela, and I said as soon as we left that office, that we would not have that doctor for my neurologist!

7/2/2015 I was excited that I finally felt that I was able to go somewhere! Before I had my falling accident, I'd dried out some red roses my husband gave me and some pink ones that my son gave me for mother's day and my plan had been to make a beautiful bouquet with the dried roses and baby's breath, kind of like I’d made for my mother So, I had gotten them dried, but I didn't have an appropriate vase, so that was as far as I’d gotten on the project. To dry the roses, I’d hung them on skirt hangers in my washroom and I’ve come to realize they are still there. I am a person that cannot handle myself not completing a project so this is nagging me. Also, I’m getting cabin fever badly. So, I’ve talked John into taking me today to get a beautiful vase at the resale shop to make the bouquet. " Just that one simple little thing and then we'll come back home," I tell him. I barely make it through the shop door before getting very weak and lightheaded.  Since I have determined that, no matter where I am in the future, if I get dizzy or lightheaded, I’m going down to the floor so that if I pass out it will not be another hard bang to my head,  I crumpled to the floor and was dazed...Finally John got me in the car and we head to the ER.   

This is a confusing hospital stay. Cardio comes in and, shockingly says I am in serious heart failure and that I need a defibulator to help me revive if I cardiac arrest. He's ready to do it before I am dismissed.  Angela is there and she, along with me and John are not sure about that.  We need time to get more info and think about it. They get ready to send me home pretty quickly!

7/5/2015     Family, Home Health nurses and Doctors keep saying “Eat!” but it just doesn't interest me. I can't smell it and my taste is messed up so food is extremely salty or sweet. Besides, I haven't eaten that many calories in a day for over a year! About 1000 a day is all and I was exercising each day and on the go, so I just can't believe I need more food just to lay around! I search on the internet and find out it's true. It's called Resting Metabolic Rate and there’s a calculation for it!5/16/2015 For a moment I became conscious. I was laid out on the floor of Ross's and the back of my head was really hurting! I put my hand on the back of my head and then looked at it. There was lots of blood on my hand. There was a person holding my head and she said, You have fallen and I’m an ENT. I'm going to put this collar around your neck and then we'll get you on the stretcher and take you to the hospital. I remember asking her to get my grandson and telling her that he was out in my car. I guess I passed back out. 

I don't remember the ambulance ride or being in the hospital, except one time waking up and wondering what had happened and why machines were attached to me. John told me they were keeping a check on my blood pressure. I remember thinking “that is strange....I've never had blood pressure problems.” I don’t remember any of the other things that happened during that hospital stay…. No realization that I was in ICU and that nurses and doctors were examining me, tending to me, talking to me, running tests on me. I didn’t realize that I’d had a serious brain injury. I have no memory that my daughter who lives in NM had driven in and been at the hospital with me, no memories of other people coming to see me and pray for me. I have no memory of rejecting neuro care from the one available at the hospital because I had a bad previous experience with that particular doctor. I didn’t realize how much my life had been changed in a moment in time.

8/24/2018
I lotioned all up this morning with the Jergens Oil Infused Shea Butter. Trying to get a little of this loose crepe skin tightened up and not so dry.  When I was lifting my arms to put on my shirt I smelt it!  A real smell?!? Hummmm and a really good smell.  It was the skin of my arm - could it be?!?!!!!!!!! I was beginning to think yes it is.  I had put it on my legs too, so, I lifted my legs one at a time and smelt of them - Yes!!!!!The same beautiful, real smell on my legs - Then I knew for sure... I WAS SMELLING THE LOTION!!!  The joy I felt was more than I will ever be able to explain!  Just imagine this after three and half years of not smelling any real smells and instead having brain made smells like electrical shortage and chemicals and so many undescribable smells!!!!!!   I praised God - I knew it was a straight miracle from Him.  I could hardly talk for my laughing and crying, but I had to share it, so I called friends and family whom I knew had been praying for me and it would be meaningful to them.  Kathy, Katherine, Momma, Charlene and then texted John and the kids. I felt so joyous all the rest of the day too! 
Ironously, in my bible reading yesterday a verse spoke to me

Sunday, March 31, 2019
This has indeed been a notable day in my life!  I went to church without my walker
Sunday, April 1, 2018

I was unable to go to church with John because my headache was so bad
March 27,2017
Headaches are still happening 2-3 times perday.

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